yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
