my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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