you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
