You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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