My girlfriend figured out who you are.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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