that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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