He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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