i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
