Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
