I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
