Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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