she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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