he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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