i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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