If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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