Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
