It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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