she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
