Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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