He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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