So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
