Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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