hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize