Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
