worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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