Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
