my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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