Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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