Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
