wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Randomize
