And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
