Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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