she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
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Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
