Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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