Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
