everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
