A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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