i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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