when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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