I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
