So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
