If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
