Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
