just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
