eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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