My Higher Power is John Stamos
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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