Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
this hospital has no fireball
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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