this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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