the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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