oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
