if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
