i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
