You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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