He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
