I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
