Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
