we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I can't turn off my feet"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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