out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
